Two Roads Diverged

and it all falls apart

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 01:42:07 GMT

1/2 of our paramedics are out of town this week, so instead of working my usual 1 or 2 shifts, I'm working 4 (yes, 12 hour shifts) plus my shifts at the bakery. I originally wasn't worried because I was on a second crew/transport team and we average 1 call (about 2-3 hours worth) per shift. So I'm in uniform and I have to be able to respond quickly (I can't have the kids at home and Paul run to the store) but I'm around.

So far, all 3 shifts have been BUSY!

I've gotten all kinds of calls that I don't normally get to see so it's been very educational and I've loved it.

Paul's mad at me (long story short, but I got upset over his blood sugars/heart rhythm and him still saying "but I feel fine" and I went off on how if he wants to kill himself that way, so be it but it sucks for the rest of us to have to sit back and watch it) and being gone extra hours hasn't helped

Charlet's peeing every 20 minutes, it burns and the doc's office isn't calling me back. I've called twice/day since I took the sample in. I understand missing ONE message, or something once, but not 2 messages/day all week long. I'm rather annoyed.

Tomorrow we have to turn in a print of a photo we've retouched (assignment name is Kami) I had an hour tonight I could print it during and I left my drive with ALL of my photography assignments on it, somewhere....I thought out at the station. It's not there. Maybe I dropped it on scene somewhere, so I'm out off the side of the road playing in mud looking for my drive wondering if I'll even be able to use it afterwards. Turns out that is somewhat of an irrelevant question because I can't find it.

It has ALL of my assignments. Each of them.

We (up until this point) have been turning assignments in digitally. Our "final" is a one on one critique of our portfolio that we have to print out. Yeah, well I can't print out websized images. Our portfolio is suppose to be images we've already turned in for our assignments. That's not going to happen now. Crap. I'm going to have to reshoot an entire semester's worth of images in 2 weeks.

Those 2 weeks are going to be swamped because I'm taking a class to be an intermediate (I'll be able to start IV's, push meds, and intubate)

Let's not even venture into how much I'm struggling in statistics.

Kaede has decided that she doesn't need naps anymore. She has been MUCH happier, but I no longer have afternoons to work in peace.

It's been a while

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 16:55:46 GMT

I don't even know if the blogs are up and working yet or not, but here I am typing away.

I've had a couple of discouraging days. Nothing major, just once again a bunch of little stuff.

Charlet had a 105 fever yesterday, has a UTI and blood in her urine. I'm hoping this doesn't involve another workup. I can not imagine putting her through a VCUG as old as she is now. Yet not old enough to get that it's ok.

Paul's being grumpy and I don't know why. I got my lanterns for photography stuff, fixed all of the wiring stuff myself, but I don't have anything to hang it from. He wouldn't help me hang it, brainstorm about stands or anything. So I had Charlet stand on my laundry soap bucket and hold it. Not the best stand in the world.

I was misunderstood at my photography board, and when I tried to explain myself I was called ungrateful and accused of not listening to their advice. *sigh* I think I'm going to go back into lurkdom there for a while. I know that true learning comes from critiques (which I can handle) but I'm not up for personal attacks.

I was just contacted about the intermediate class (which I want to take) but it runs until 10 Mon, Tues, Wed. So now I have to find a sitter from 8:30 until 10 for 3 nights a week. Not sure who to even ask. *sigh*

I'm also trying to clean up my livingroom. In a fit of frustration last night I grabbed the push broom and swept everything on the floors in the front part of my house into a pile in the livingroom. It's getting closer, I was hoping to work on sorting the laundry today so I can get rid of the stuff that doesn't fit instead of it ending up in dirty laundry and me rewashing and refolding clothes that haven't been worn.

I don't know if the blogs are fully working or not...

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 03:14:16 GMT

But thought I'd keep blogging anyways.

For those of you who have never tried to shoot a self-portrait, I'll give you a few tips.

IT'S HARD!

I took pictures of someone else doing exactly what I was going to be doing in the same spot etc. I had my camera on a tripod and didn't move it. Set the time and ran to the yoga mat and got into up dog (which BTW is not a flattering position from behind) Well, it didn't work at all. I wanted a wide open aperture so that the real me was out of the DOF and the focus landed on the me in the mirror. Yeah, I still think it's a good idea.

So, the guy I took the original picture of new a bit about cameras so I had him shoot it for me, thinking maybe the focus was funky because of the timer not autofocusing. Even with my best explanation of what I wanted I didn't get that. *sigh*

So, here is one of me (through the mirror) as I was trying to set up the yoga shot.

This one is a lot closer to what I was envisioning for the picture, but for some reason all of the make up ran off of my face before I was able to shoot this.

I have to turn one of them in tonight. Not sure which one I'm turning in.

Couch-to-5K: Week 1, Day 1

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 00:05:59 GMT

Since I have to be working out anyways I figured I might as well re-attempt the C25K program so that I go knowing what I'm going to do rather than playing eenie-meenie-minnie-mo with the cardio machines.

So today was day 1. I did it and was 'pushing it' a little towards the end, but I did NOT cheat, not once. I'm sore now though. I am really hoping that this is the time I succeed.

If you aren't familiar with the program you can read about it on this link http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Just so my next post makes sense...

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:04:04 GMT

It's what I am considering putting on my site under "about me"

Photography

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:59:01 GMT

I've always been interested in photography as "something I'd like to do but probably wouldn't be good at" I'm more of a scientist than an artist, and I've always considered photography art. I didn't realize that not all art was the same.

After I had kids my interest was renewed. I didn't like the cookie cutter pictures from chain photography places and the other photographers I'd gone to took very creative, fun pictures but it still wasn't what I was looking for.

I began to read about composition and how to take my own pictures. They were still snapshots, but I was happier with them than the studio pictures we had.

Then it finally happened. I went back to school and for the art requirement I was dreading I took photography. We shot on black and white film and developed our own pictures in the darkroom. Seeing that first picture appear in the chemicals had me hooked from the beginning. I immediately began planning on how I could set a darkroom up in my house.

From there my love grew quickly. I thoroughly love showing people the world the way I see it. The details they may be too busy to stop and notice or a perspective other than their own. In wanting to show other people what I saw, I began to see more too. I found beauty in even the ugliest of places.

Then the inevitable happened. A friend who had seen some of pictures asked if I could take some of her son. After all, real photographers were too expensive. I cringed at the comment, but was thrilled that I had someone besides my own kids to photograph. When I took her the proofs I had an epiphany. She looked at one of the pictures that wasn't as technically correct as many of the others and just stopped. She didn't say anything, she didn't move. She just sat there looking at the picture.

I will never forget her words when she did speak. "This picture shows so much of his emotion that I see everyday. In my mind this is how I will always remember him when he was 2"

A HA! That's why I was never happy with studio pictures. They were taken by someone who had just met my kids merely moments before, in a setting that was unfamiliar and strange to my kids. The photographers would pose them according to their wishes and use props that my children would have never otherwise shown an interest in. I was seeing my kids through the photographers eyes.

I still love showing people world as I see it, but I also love the challenge of giving parents photos of their children as they see them. My photos aren't taken in some strange studio or posed according to "the rules of photography" I will come to your home, or other location of your choosing and spend a short time getting to know you and your children. Most of my photography is taken with natural light, but sometimes Mother Nature doesn't cooperate and circumstances require additional lights.

Thank you for considering letting me capture your child as seen through your eyes.

Letter to myself

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 23:53:32 GMT

Dear Heather,

First of all I want you know what a great change I've seen in you over the past couple of years. I know that none of has been easy, and even the fun and rewarding things have been difficult. You are definitely on the right road, even if it's not a smooth ride. You have regained confidence that you didn't even realize you had. You are happier, smilier, and once again fun. You are the you I've always known.

I also wanted to thank you for all of the little things you do. Clean up pee from in front of the toilet several times a day because the males (yes, even the big one) don't know how to aim. Also, smart move just removing the bathroom rugs and figuring why so many of them were getting ruined. I know that no one else in the house cares what the bathroom looks or smells like but hopefully someday they'll appreciate what you do. Thanks for making the kids do their chores when no one else thinks they should. Most days you are calm and patient about it, I wish someone would step in and help you out on the days the patience seems to be missing.

Thank you for all the times you bit your tongue and don't say what you are thinking but shouldn't say. Thanks for being patient about still not having a kitchen sink. I know it's a total PITA and no one else really seems to care. Kudos for taking the high road and not mentioning that had it been fixed a few months ago when you suggested replacing the washer or even doing it yourself (I know you were told "it's not your job") when you are frustrated about hauling water from the bathroom (which is no where near the kitchen) to the kitchen so you can do dishes.

Thanks for all the big things you do that you don't want to do. They make life a little better, even if your family does whine and moan because you are doing them. Most of the time it's regular things and the whining does go away.

I know you've stuck by Paul when you felt like giving up many times and no one has noticed. As hard as that is on some days, I still think you made the right decision. While you lost your temper occasionally, you were able to stand in the face of anger and be accused of just 'taking the easy way out' when what you are going through is anything but easy. Unfortunately chances are no one but you will realize how hard those decisions were to make, and even harder to follow through on.

I have more to say, but I have to go for now.

Chin up,
Your only Cheerleader

What's up?

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:56:52 GMT

My blog is messing up. Anyone else? That is if you can even read this.

When you are at the end...

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 04:05:22 GMT

If you are nearing the end of your rope...

Climb HIGHER!

What a shift!

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 18:02:50 GMT

I was working/on call yesterday from 6 am until 10:40 pm.

Yup! Long day.

There was a mix up as to what time Rod was going to come on for me so I ended up being on call from 6 to 8 and we got paged out at 7:40. Lovely. Rod was still a ways out of town and we had a nasty storm so I knew it would take him a while to get the rest of the way into town. We didn't finish that call (it was a life flight call too--they are usually quick) until 10:40.

Paul was suppose to go in at 9 last night and was not at all happy with the time mix up.