I promised to blog the story and I nearly forgot.

I know some of you know about kitchen unfloor so you can either read about it again or skip ahead a few paragraphs :)

When we kicked the former tenants out of here it was an ugly mess.  They told me they'd be able to be out in 2 1/2 - 3 weeks and at 6 weeks they were still here.  And I had appointments for inspections trying to start a home daycare (wow, what a mistake that would have been!)

They had brought roaches *shiver* with them when they moved in and when they moved out they didn't clean out the kitchen.  Ever.  As in they left pots full of food sitting on the stove.  The roaches went insane during the few weeks they weren't living here and hadn't moved their stuff out yet.

When we came in I threw everything away.  All of it.

First night here I went to turn on the stove and it started crawling with roaches.  I couldn't even see through them there were so many.  So I called Paul to go get the neighbors dolly and haul that thing outside and ordered pizza.

I called around for prices for exterminators and there was no way we could afford one, and no one would tell us what chemicals they sprayed with.  Mike's asthma was horrid at the time and I called his allergist to weigh the consequences of unknown chemicals against roaches.  She said to not go with unknown chemicals and find some bait and/or traps.  If they didn't work then pursue looking into what the exterminators would use to spray with.

A few days later I went into the kitchen late at night and turned on the light.  The carpet was MOVING.  Not with the filthy beasts crawling on top, but there were so many underneath the kitchen carpet that the carpet was moving.

I immediately started pulling up the carpet and hauling it outside.  I think Paul thought I'd flipped.

Underneath the carpet is spray glued on foam that is stuck to linoleum.  I know underneath everything there is hardwood floors, so I started to pry up the linoleum.  Turns out they put the linoleum down with black mastic.  Which does not come off.  For anything.

So now my kitchen floor is bits of the black foam stuff and spots where it came all of the way up and you can see the linoleum.

I'm left with pretty much noway to clean it decently, so after the raw fish juice dripped into the kinda foamy stuff that you can't mop I decided to put some bleach in the carpet shampooer and cross my fingers that it doesn't ruin it.

It worked ok-ish, I think I'll do it differently next time though.

Oh, for the day when we have a real kitchen floor *sigh*

I was looking at the bios the other day and started missing 'the old days'

The old days of everyone coming to chat in the evening after kids were in bed.  If someone would have asked "where do you go to hang out" my answer would have been in chat.  All of the social akwardness is bypassed and you get to immediately know the people.

I remember Truddle being in California when I first started chatting and for some reason, I 'scared' of her.  Perhaps not so much scared as nervous.  Looking back on the past several years that is laughable now.  I couldn't ask for a better friend to be living on the other side of my computer.  Oh, to sit and have a nice long chat again, but life and it's many changes seems to get in the way.  Even good changes have a downside.

I think of all of the friends who have come and gone through the years and I wonder where they are now.  Some I hear from occasionally, others I just wonder about.

Life is dynamic, and as some friends leave others come into my life but they never fill the spot that the others held in my heart, they take up new space.

So if you are one of those who hasn't checked in for a while, please check in and let me know how you are doing.

I  miss you guys!

Thanks so much for pulling me through some hard times and being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with.  You were there for me when most of my 'real' friends had abandoned me.  I hope you find the time to stop in and say Hi.

They are some of my favorite flowers.  They stand tall during this smeltering heat when everything else either goes dormant or whithers and dies.  In fact, they never turn their face away from the heat but instead use it as a source of strength and growth.

Here is a photo of some of my sunflowers (oh, and Kaede just *happens* to be in the photo)




I should have zoomed out a bit so I didn't chop off the flowers, but my 'photographers assistant' at the time was Mike so I was a bit distracted.

I still haven't gotten a chance to talk to the photographer, just his assistant so nothing is resolved with Charlet's team photo yet.

We got softball photos back tonight and I can't believe the difference a year makes!

This year...




Last year




She's getting so big *sniff sniff*

The ER at the local hospital (same 'chain' of hospitals as Paul is working at now) has a position open for an ER tech.  Fulltime.

This is a *very* sought after position so it's not going to be easy to get the job, but Paul's put it for it.  It might mess up his school schedule some, but it would not be an hour each way drive, our daycare bill could possibly be less, and we would be saving a ton in gas.

Please cross everything crossable, send wishes, say a prayer, dance a jig or whatever you do to send good luck to someone!  This job would be an answer to a huge issue with us.

Please, please, please want Paul for this job!

Well, psycho neighbor called animal control on us again.  Since there have been multiple reports they sent an officer instead of animal control lady.  I would think that the first reports showing 'nothing' other than a waterbottle that was partially empty would clue them in that things were ok, but not around here.

Paul was off today so I didn't fill her water when I left because I was running late for school.  Her water was very low and he stopped by during the 60 minutes that she is in the early morning sun. 

He made Paul move her to where she's in the sun from early-mid afternoon until just before dusk.  Yeah, that's better.

I have a phone call into animal control to see if the next time 'anonymous' reports us if they can require a name and address because I know that she is only able to continue renting there contingent upon her not reporting anymore neighbors for anything (she was evicted from her last place for that reason, and both rentals are managed by the same company)

I'm not one for tattling, but honestly I'm kind of afraid of the mind games she plays.  She talks bad about me because I don't feed all of the neighborhood strays (bad bad me?!?!?) and I haven't weedeated our garden plot and she's afraid her house will burn down because of it.   Mmmm 'kay.

The officer today told us it was reported that the rabbit is 'always dead'  Always dead then springs back to life to run around and play in the roses?  Yup, that's just horrible of us.

When she sleeps she does stretch out as far as she can go, but last I knew letting animals sleep didn't count as animal abuse.  UGH.

I can't wait for us to be required to move to fill my 2 year commitment!  Unfortunately that is over 2 years away and I might go nuts before then.

Charlet was outside playing with Paul's very unique basketball.  She put it down and came back to it a few hours later.  Brenda (aka psycho neighbor) got upset and told her she was stealing.  I don't know if Brenda has the exact same unique basketball as Paul or if she got Paul's ball and wrote her name on it.  But now the ball says Brenda.

Charlet was in tears when I came home last night and asking if we could please move.  *sigh*  I wish.

I can't imagine Brenda having a basketball outside.  Her having one wouldn't be too odd, but I don't know how someone who has fibromyalgia and nerve problems and needs constant pain meds and can barely walk is going to be playing basketball.

I'm telling the kids to just stay away from her, but be nice if they see her.  UGH UGH UGH.

I want a new neighborhood.  With no one else in it!

Thursday while I was gone all day (seriously, all day) and Paul had the kids I came home to the typical "Dad's been watching the kids disaster"  plus some.  I was frustrated but not surprised.

I get a chance this morning to put my hamper back together and there are pieces missing.  Great.

Kids took them outside and down to their friends to play with and now they are gone.  Lovely.  Kids can't find them.  Paul says "I didn't know"  What I don't know is how you don't notice kids walking out of the house holding sticks that are bigger than they are.

Also, we had an entire conversation dedicated to which kind of cookies I should make.  I was making cookies for the tutor, but I wanted to do whichever kind Paul would rather have.  He chose M&M, so I buy a big bag of M&M's.

He eats them.

I mumble about it to myself and then it's time when I was going to take them to him and have no cookies so I have Paul bake some of the break and bake snickerdoodles.  He leaves them on the pan to cool so they cool to the pan and won't come off.

I tell him I can't take those and to let the kids eat them and I will have to make some more cookies.  So I pick up another bag of M&M's and a bag of peanut M&M's for people to eat and stay away from the ones for my cookies.  Guess what?  Yup, they're gone.

Paul ate them yesterday while I was gone with the kids.  He says he didn't realize I wanted to make cookies with them.

I know this sounds like it's about M&M's, but it's not.  It scares me that after an entire conversation about something, or in this case multiple conversations (one of which I was kind of upset) he thinks that saying "I didn't realize you want to make cookies I made a mistake" makes everything ok.

This is how things ALWAYS go.  If I can't communicate effectively enough so that he knows I need the M&M's what am I suppose to do?  Does he not care I needed the M&M's?  I am more scared and frightened than angry.

I want to run away and find a new life.

Yesterday just was not a good day at all. 

I did horrible on the ACS, one of the main concepts I was using throughout the entire test on about 50% of the problems was a question I had directly asked in class.  Last question of the test with 2 minutes left I realized that what we had been told was wrong.  ARGH

I want to cry.  It was such a huge exam and very important.

Then I went with Mom over to Gromps' for a visit.  They warned me that he isn't anything but skin and bones but I was in no way prepared for what I saw.  He almost reminds me of a premature baby that is early enough that you can almost see through them.

His skin was just hanging off him like a drape on the skeleton in biology lab.  His mind is still there, but physically he's very deteriorated.  I'm not sure if that is harder to see than Grandma not recognizing family.

It's been a very depressing weekend.

Ok, so it wasn't the high road.  It wasn't the most adult behavior.  It wasn't necessarily nice, but I feel awesome!

I showed up to the tutoring lab a little before Bob (the tutor) was suppose to be there.  I was printing off some stuff from the website and stopped by chat for a few.  As I was logging off 2 of the girls in the 1200 series said "we need to go get lunch now so that we can keep Bob busy so he doesn't have time to help the gen chem students"

They didn't realize I was there, or that I was in the class (and it's not gen chem for the record, it's O-Chem in 2 weeks.  They're spending a year on it)

I put my books down on one of the big study tables and said "So it doesn't matter that we have an ACS tomorrow?  You do realize when you are through with med school that you will need to have nurses around you don't you?"

Their jaws dropped to the floor and they walked out.

The table of guys said "we don't mind sharing Bob and if you want us to help just let us know"

The "just nurses" girl I had problems with last week asked why we are having an ACS now and I said we did gen chem in 3 weeks during Maymester (they spend a full year on it)  ending with an ACS and O-chem the first 2 weeks of second session ending with an ACS and then 3 weeks of BioChem ending with an ACS.

Her eyes bugged out.

I don't think she realized what she was saying last week, but I think she 'gets it' now.

The series of chemistry classes are so different I don't even know how they can try to compare the two.

Fastforward to when we were leaving.  Bob wished us luck on the ACS and said he didn't even feel like he was part of the class anymore.  I turned around to thank him and said he got kicked out of 'our' class because no one wanted to share him.

The guys' tables eyes all bugged out.  Bob was confused (he didn't see what happened earlier) and the girls sulked back into the corner.  I'd love to know what was said when I left.

I still owe Bob some cookies, and the study group that I fit learning styles with meets there, so I'll probably go back on Thursday,  but UGH.  What's the big deal?  I realize I'm not going to med school and guess what...I DON'T WANT TO!

In a different time and a different place I probably would have wanted to, but I wouldn't be in the place I am now without my kids and they are the main reason I don't want to do med school (that and I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel now)

I hate spoiled bratty, "I'm better than you are because of X, Y, or Z"

A few years ago I played around with PSP and graphics.  I rarely did much with photos other than turning some of them into a sketch etc.

So, I've had my hand at retouching photos. 

Before:




After, looking not so green




Before




After




Before (with powerlines)




After (without powerlines)

The parks and recreation department divides teams up according to school boundaries.  We are within the boundaries of 'the hill' where everyone who is anyone lives.  After all, "it's the only place to live" as I overheard one day. 

I'm ok with this, and get along with those Mom's better than the ones who are jealous and want to live up on the hill so they do nothing but try to look like them, walk like them, buy cars they can't afford so they drive like them etc.  At least on one on.

Especially with Charlet's softball team, I love all of the Moms.  Individually.  One on one we get along great, but when there is several the conversations turn to things like which cruise is the best, how their 2 year old vehicle needs to be replaced, how they are overdue for their pedicures, and how they've taken the last 3 weeks off of work because of baseball tournaments etc.  Oh, and which Kate Spade bag should she take to such and such event. 

So not my thing! 

None of it and I'm the only one who doesn't fit into that mold and feel horribly out of place when I am put in a social situation with this group. 

Once I was talking to someone out at the fields who I knew from school and one of the Mom's said she didn't know how I balanced school, kids, activities, etc and that she felt out of place not able to join in the conversation so I realize that it goes both ways.

Now to the problem.

I'm going to be stuck with this group for a swimming/pizza party at the end of the season!  YIPES!  Charlet is good friends with the girls on the team and I'm not going to go because of social stigmas that I have, but I don't wanna go!

When I was in high school Mom told me that if there is ever a time I am invited somewhere that I either didn't want to be or knew I shouldn't go I was free to use her as an 'excuse' in hopes that it would ease up on peer pressure for me to be in situations when I could get into trouble.

Can I still say that my Mom won't let me go?  Please?

Mom called me today to see if I was busy on Thursday.  Grandma is at the point she needs 2 fulltime caregivers and my uncle that has been doing it has to go to court to testify as a witness that a lady drove through a puddle.  (I'd love to know the rest of that story!)

I have my ACS exam on Friday morning so Thursday would be a really bad day for me skip class, but I would if I needed to.  Luckily one of my other uncles will be there so I won't be missing class.

Part of me didn't want to go see Grandma in a wheelchair and not recognizing me. 

If I do die quickly from something unexpected, I hope that I don't get severe dementia.  I can't imagine not recognizing my children and not knowing anything about my past.

Watching Uncle Fred transform while he has been the primary caregiver has been amazing though.  His patience has grown immensely, and in many ways he barely resembles the man he use to be.  The promise he made to Grandpa before he died about Grandma being taken care of by family and not being put in LTC has fall largely on his and Aunt Neise's shoulders.

I also do not want my family to be my caregivers if the time ever comes where I should be put into LTC. 

I got some miscellaneous pictures back today.  I was somewhat disappointed in my fireworks photos but when I realize how far away we were with no time to change it I didn't expect much different.  I haven't scanned any of the 4th of July photos in yet either.

Here is the sun mid-late afternoon a few weeks ago with all of the smoke from the fires.



Giant 'wishes'




The missing tooth



Our little catcher

I was at the tutors today working on chemistry homework and there were a lot of students there from the 1200 O-Chem class.  I can't believe some of the things I heard.

"They (referring to our table) are just going to be nurses so they are in the easy chem class"

"We should just hire Bob (the tutor) as a private tutor so that we don't have to share him with those students"

"They don't really know what it's like to have to work at school, they are in the 1100 series classes."

I've never wishes so many bad things on people at one time in my life!  The just going to be nurses comment made me wish that he got sick and stuck in the hospital for a week.  The first day with an excellent nurse, the other 6 with horrible, mean, uncaring nurses.

I've had stress over school before (and often) but  this is the first time since I've back to school that I've felt bad about what I'm doing.  I don't know why I feel like this since I know they are wrong, but sometimes you feel what you feel.  Tonight I feel like curling up in a ball and crying.